Have you been hurt? Really really hurt? So hurt you can’t trust anyone. Don’t want to trust anyone! You’ve built a wall around your heart and you’ve been there so long you’ve decorated the inside. I know the feeling. I’ve been there. Sometimes i catch myself still trying to run to that place. But i have to stop myself and say NO. And remind myself that i must open my heart to others if i want to stop hurting. So often, we shut our hearts or shut others out to protect ourselves from being hurt. While we are on guard, we are defensive. Often, we become unapproachable and unavailable. We look for us, and usually find, an ulterior motive in everything and everyone. The motives and agendas we see, whether they exist or not, are the reasons we must protect ourselves. At the same time, we are so isolated and lonely. We don’t want to be hurt. We don’t want to be alone, but we don’t know what to do about how we feel.
I think i’ve come to realize that in general; most people are not out to hurt us. They hurt us because we expect to be hurt. They hurt us because they are trying to tear down barriers. They hurt us beacause our barriers look and feel very similiar to there barriers. When people see there issues being reflected back to them, they often become afraid of what they see and feel. In response, they want to get to you before you get to them. In the process, you get hurt. I have experienced that up close and personal! It has taken a long time to heal. But my God is so very faithful. I had to accept that people are not out to hurt me. They hurt me because they just didn’t realize what they said or what they did caused so much pain. They don’t know what causes your pain because you won’t come from beind the barrier long enough to share the pain of your experiences. Or maybe you did come from behind your barrier for a minute and they did something to make you quickly run back behind your barrier and you made a choice to stay. You showed them your wounds and they thought they were dumb, weak, or didn’t handle them with care. It’s a hard spot to be in.
It is important to understand that when we shut our heart down, or live life on the defensive, there is absolutely no way healing or love can get in. When we shut down, we just keep going on hurting and hurting….
There came a point in my life…and it was a process. But God broke down those barriers of my heart. I had to change my thinking. It was hard but i had to allow people back into my heart. I had to open up myself to healing and love. With Gods help i was able to drop my defenses. Let go of all the bitterness i carried for so long. The unforgiveness i had in my heart and let Gods Love just envelop me. Yes…sometimes i find myself trying to run back to that place but i do have to tell myself NO!! I choose LOVE!! Expect the best. You may be surprised what happens.