I’ve weathered the ups and downs of relationships. The things i’ve learned about what not to do could fill volumes. Trial and error is a great teacher. I feel like i’ve been schooled in this over and over. Maybe what i’ve been through can help someone from making the same mistakes. So i will be blogging about men, women, and relationships for a bit. The thing i want to talk about tonight are the difference between what is in a woman’s mind versus a man’s mind. Believe me, the differences are astounding. This is a huge lesson i’ve learned recently. “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself”.
Im the first to admit i can be a bit emotional. Things fly out of my mouth that i don’t mean. I’ve learned that guys almost always know what they think at any given moment. Women are not wired that way. We can totally think we know something one minute and then we are absolutely positive we think something completely different an hour later. It isn’t easy living with a brain that does this. Women, we need to give ourselves a time out when we get super overwhelmed in the moment. If your brain is feeling scrambled like mine does at times, just stop! If you find yourself in the midst of an heated argument, especially when the argument becomes about something totally different than you were trying to express, stop, take a moment, and think things through. Seal the dam. Shut your mouth. Don’t wreck yourself. Walk away.When an argument takes on a life of it’s own and becomes destructive, cut it off at the pass.
I have found that we, as women want instant results. We spew off at the mouth. When we over react, it always leads to regret. We tend to throw everything that bothers us into one argument. Most, if not all of the time, ladies it has nothing to do with what we are talking about. Ive learned that overreacting and spewing all these things at the guys can feel like bullets or missels right to the heart. They have no idea where it’s all coming from. When we are upset we tend to exaggerate and totally believe it at the time. This will make your partner think you’ve been thinking these things the whole time when in reality you have not. This can cause resentment and distrust, even though you haven’t felt this way the whole time, you only thought it some of the time. Later, when you calm down you are going to wish it never happened. .
We tend to blame our partner for our insecurities. I know my insecurities come from a place deep inside me. Either, i don’t feel loved enough. I don’t feel secure in myself. When communication comes to a halt, we begin to question ourselves and what we did wrong. We may feel like we aren’t getting the attention we once did from our partner. Instead of holding it all in then exploding, just tell your partner about your insecurities. That might be all you need to say. Communication is the number one key to a successful relationship. When we shut down and start assuming. You’re headed down a very slippery slope. You might just find he has been feeling insecure as well. i can’t stress enough how important healthy communication is.
If at all possible, avoid a fight. Be truthful with yourself and your partner about who you are, and if what you really seek is connection, reach out gently and honestly and ask for it. Ladies, we know that every month it’s the same. We turn irrational, become psychotic, pick fights, and are impossible to please and it happens like clockwork, but somehow completely takes us by surprise, like it’s the first time we’ve experienced pms. When we ladies have PMS, our brains will be saying “don’t say it, don’t say it” but we hear ourselves saying it. Men don’t understand that having PMS means we totally lose control. If you do have PMS that makes you irrational, we need to have a plan. The minute you feel like your losing control, run to your predetermined default mode. Remember, you cannot trust yourself at the moment and will regret many things a week later. Do not make important relationship decisions during PMS. Take care of yourself during this time. Get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, avoid alcohol, avoid sugar and fried foods. Go get a massage, go for a walk, Do your best to ride out the mood swings without doing anything too damaging to your relationship. It stinks that we ladies have to deal with this, and not all ladies have it like i do. Just remember, we will be back to normal next week.
Men are simple and pretty easy to understand if you know what they’re about. Woman are crazy and impossible to understand but if you men know that, then you can accept it in the woman you love. Neither one of us is better or worse, But very different. If we learn to come together and understand one another, we can make the best of it.
Let my mistakes be wisdom for your future. Check back soon. Ill be sharing more of my heart on relationships and advice from my mistakes. Take care and be blessed.